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What is Tantra Speed Date?

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Roughly 40 other singles were paired off around us, all engaged in the exact same awkward declaration — yes, strangers had been instructed to pledge their unconditional devotion to each other.


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Despite its name, these are clothing-on, nonsexual events. This was an evening I had signed up for as a revolt of sorts, to combat the monotony of internet dating. I had no desire to go on yet another repetitive walk down Valencia, coffee in hand, with the latest man I had swiped right on.

Here’s what happens at a night of Tantric speed dating

Plus, I considered it efficient—the speed-dating style essentially let me knock out 20 dates in one night. At worst, I would have a story to laugh about. At best, the whole thing might work. It was a Thursday evening, and all of us were seated on the floor, nervously looking at each other. A couple of people had on yoga clothing, but most were slightly more dressed up, the men in button-downs and the women in flowy skirts.

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The big ta-da moment? He had two people touch each end and then hold hands—the blue and red lights danced. Everyone was looking for it, having been fed up with attempting to find it through an app. They wanted depth, a soul mate and real-life exchanges. When the facilitator asked the room if anyone liked swiping, almost rhetorically, I was the lone one who raised a hand.

Right, guys? Instead, I was met with looks of pity.

Minutes later, I found myself in front of my first date, the tallest man in the room, with longish black hair. He was thanking the women in his life.

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Next, it was my turn to thank the men in my life. I started with my exes—I figured that all the rules of a normal date were already out—but before I could get past the first name, it was time to rotate. I had ended my first rendezvous knowing nothing about the man in front of me except that he loved his family. I guess that was something. The mini dates that followed alternated from bizarre to surprising to super-uncomfortable. At a certain point, I tied my hair up so one man could massage my neck while I was supposed to tell him what he was doing well and what I wanted more of.

The facilitator told me I was practicing the relationship skill of feedback.


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Later, in a strange therapeutic moment, I found myself seated in front of a man, holding his hands and pronouncing all the things I wanted to let go of— procrastination, hurt, grief. When I stood up, I actually felt lighter. But I never spoke to him again.